b e t t e r FAMILY
teens might find it more helpful
to work out scripts on their own.
Teach your child that the most
powerful defense against verbal,
social, and threatened physical
bullying is to ignore it and walk
away. Tell him it takes more
courage to keep his temper than
to lose it and lash back. Inform
the school of the problem.
Teachers, counselors, and
coaches can deal with bullies
without them knowing who told.
S
g e t h e l p
Sometimes, kids just need
reassurance from someone else
with the benefit of experience—
someone closer to their age. This
is why many school districts have
adopted buddy systems, which
pair incoming middle schoolers
and high schoolers with students
who have already made the
transition. Similar arrangements
are often also made to pair school
buddies with students newly
arrived in town. If your child’s
new school doesn’t have such a
system, do it yourself. Odds are
you can find a friend’s child or a
neighbor with whom your kid
would feel comfortable.
Dr. Sheryl A. Ryan, chief of
adolescent medicine at Yale
University, says adult mentors are
also important You no doubt had
a special music instructor, art
teacher, coach, or scout leader
who had a profound and positive
influence. Help your student find
that person in her life and
encourage the relationship.
6
SAY TH E “V ” W ORD
Every talk you have with your
child is an opportunity to
remind them of your values.
“Kids may not act like it, but
they really look to parents to lay
down the moral guidelines,”
Lempert says. Ryan adds that
teens cope better when parents
focus less on reducing risk and
more on building positive
values. “When I ask kids what’s
goingon in their lives and they
start gushing about sports or
making the National Honor
Society, I know they’re not
involved in high-risk behaviors.
They don’t have time for it.”
Remember
the
5
Cs
Psychologists, doctors,
and others who work with
adolescents say kids who
adopt the 5 Cs thrive and
usually develop a sixth
C—contribution to
community.
COM PETENCE
Grades are important, of
course, but so is
competence with
interpersonal skills,
decision-making and
problem-solving, and
good health, exercise, and
work habits.
CONFIDENCE
Parents play a crucial role
in helping their children
develop an internal sense
of positive self-worth.
CONNECTION
Well-adjusted teens forge
mostly positive bonds
with their schools,
classmates, and their own
families and communities.
They contribute to the
relationship.
CHARACTER
Thriving teens show
respect for other family
members, friends and
classmates, and cultural
norms. They have a sense
of what’s right and wrong.
CARING
A sense of sympathy and
empathy for others.
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SEPTEMBER 2009 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
